A Letter To My Husband

There’s so much I want to say and yet so much I’m afraid to say.  If I could take all your pain away believe me I would. I would fix every hurt, mend every broken heart, erase every bad memory, and redeem your guilty conscience. It pains me to see you this way. I pray every day that you find the peace you’ve been so desperately seeking. The level of helplessness I feel for not being able to give you that peace breaks my heart. I remember so vividly the day I asked you to just love me and you responded, “I do.” The look in your eyes said I’ll love you forever and in that moment I knew I loved you too.

When the days get hard and the cravings difficult to resist please think of me. Hear my voice, see my face and fight temptation. I know it’s not easy, but trust me when I say it’ll be worth it. You are stronger. You are braver. You are loved. You are not alone. I’m begging you to fight. You are not your mistakes. You are not your past, so don’t let it define you. Learn to forgive yourself as I have forgiven you. As God forgives and does not condemn. There is a light that shines so brightly within you, so choose to never let anything dull that shine.

as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalms 103:12

Know that you are capable, worthy, and wonderfully made. You are greater than this disease. Some may see an addict. You may see an addict. But I see a husband, a father, a friend, a warrior, a fighter, a survivor. You are the calm after the storm. Don’t be afraid of greatness.

My favorite quote seems fitting for this matter:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”            – Marianne Williamson

I don’t expect you to be perfect and have it all figured out. Embrace this journey one day at a time. I may be a little naive and perhaps too optimistic, but I’m okay with that. I can’t carry this burden for you, but I will walk beside you. I promise to love, honor, and cherish you. As May 21st approaches I’m reminded of the commitment we made to one another. The commitment we made to our children. Each day that you choose to fight know that I’m fighting with you.